a very vegas xmas

i just wanted to post my first ever company christmas party. hihi. :">

i'll just be posting our photobooth shots. XD

w/ my heo family

manda heo :D

failed U5 blogging attempt XD

this is a late post.

a few days ago, i was trying if i can use my mobile phone to do random blogs. i was thinking that it would be easier that way. opening a laptop/pc is way less convenient than a mobile, right?

so i did try. but, to no avail. my phone can't!! :((

now i'm thinking if i need a phone that is more social. but, that would mean spending. and i can't spend. heartbreak. </3

so 'til that day comes, i'll settle for blogging my randomness thru how i know best.

and here's what i was to attempt blogging about the other day.

my oso purchased me a new book. :) he's really dear. i never fail to make him buy me things. :)) and i love him more because of that. =)) thank you, oso. ♥

i was eyeing on this for a few months already but i had never made it a priority book purchase. my reason for buying it? well, to support my fellow kababayan of course. woohoo! :)

i was thinking of having my feeling towards the book be written but i'm not yet sure about how i felt about it. so, that'll be another blog assignment. :))

also thinking that i only had 2 hours of sleep and is on a 12-hour duty, my mind is not in its best shape. so i'll be really skipping this today.

--reasons, reasons. reasons are given by lazy people. *bow*

:P

initial d-ing

everyday is a blessing they say. true. it's in the manner of how you see yours. :)

yesterday is no special day for me. but as i was praying last night, i realized how blessed the day went.

first, i was puyat. i slept past 4am because i was watching initial d. i realized i have work at 2pm that day. so i was worried i might not be up on time. i prayed i'd be up by 12nn atleast. putting faith on my alarms. XD but hey, 8am, i woke up and no hang over from initial d was felt. :))

second, yesterday morning was a rainy day. and not just its normal pour but it was cats and dogs. i was really worried on how i will be able to go to work. commuting from manda on a rainy day always seem like a segment on survivor. X)) but, the rain stopped around 1pm that afternoon. hooray! :)

third, i was on swing duty yesterday and was worried if i'll be able to eat proper dinner. at home, when you come late, sometimes, there's no food left for you. i was fixed on having dinner at jollibee before going home. i don't wanna risk the chance of me not eating for i was soooo hungry. since i'm a little out of budget this times, a simple meal from a fastfood chain would still be hurting my pocket feelings.

but around 9pm last night, my mom txted. she is asking if i'll be having dinner at home and if i will, she'll have something cooked for me since there are no food left. yey for mom! :)

haha, i know my yesterday may seem simple. but while i was praying last night, i really felt the blessings for me that day. the stopping of the rain alone and my mom txting me if i had dinner is rare enough. there are also in between things i was thankful for.

perception is really a big factor for the mind to entertain. maybe if i'll realize my everyday just like how i did for yesterday, i'll be always on my awesome self.

now i realized why i need to blog this.

so that i can look back on this post when i'm down and feeling like crap. haha.

God is always best. amen. ♥

bm's e72

december = a season of giving .: a season of expenses =))

but there are expenses that are worth the pay. like seeing these last night. ♥

yummy :P~

finally saw how he bends \m/

i won't get into details about my experience yesterday. it had been a very mixed emotion for me. the getting there, the being there and the going home.

but all is well in the end. thank you for this chance, papa God. ♥

MUG-ing on a sunday :))

out of curiosity.. why do i have a thing for make up lately?

well, the thought came to me one day realizing that i need to learn how to apply make up so that in the future, i'll be somebody my daughter can rely in to for school programs. :)) i know, i know, i'm thinking way ahead and a little weird. but, that's that. :))

but the one who gave me a push into really trying was Marlena of Make Up Geek.

so for those curious, you can meet her. :)

promise keeper

as promised. here's how my nyx round lipstick in snow white looks like on me, really. :)

snow white on a red bg  XD

credits to remembering my promised post to gong cha milk tea :))

nyx round lipsticks

i finally had time to write my long over due review of my nyx round lipsticks. been busy with my socials the past days, sorry. :P

as i've posted on my last blog entry, i've purchased some make-up products from Le Faerie Cosmetics. a 78 eye palette combo and 2 nyx round lipsticks.

i will be doing my review on nyx lipsticks today since i haven't tried my eye palettes yet. --can someone give me an eye shadow brush for christmas? :DD

here they are! :)

side by side

snow white

doll

i've been using my nyx doll more often than my snow white. well, for obvious reasons, it's more day to day than the red one. but i love them both. :)

how's its texture? i love how thin it feels on my lips. at most times, i'm not aware i have it on. very wearable.
is it long lasting? well, it is the same for most lipsticks i guess. though i commend how the stain remains on your lips even after dinner. you can just do a little retouch and you're good to go. :)
color? well, no regrets on it! loving it both. :)
cost? very reasonable for me at Php 200 each. --i'm not familiar on how much nyx costs on  other sites or on stores though. but i say, this is a good deal. --right? XD

will i buy again? i'm actually considering purchase on different shades, hihi. --after i've done justice on the ones i have first, bwahaha. XD

i've taken time into showing you how it looks like on my lips. apologies for the noob edit and crappy reso. did it on paint. --the only way i know how to do pictures. :))

shot was taken from my s95 cam in auto one afternoon. hihi.

doll

this shade is working for me. it's close to my natural lip color so i can wear it daily. note: i'm not an everyday-make-up woman.

snow white

ok, the picture did not bring it justice. i don't know why. but it's hard for me to capture it in its actual shade. effects of the afternoon sun, maybe? i'll try to take a photo of me wearing it sometime that will bring this shade justice and post it.

it's not sooper red when worn that's why i love it. it's not flashy red so i can almost wear it everyday too. :)

so, that's about it. i apologize for giving a crappy review. i'm so not into doing reviews of anything. but a promise is a promise. haha. XD

online purchasing

i'm fond of shopping online. i dunno, i feel the convenience of it. i haven't made a lot of purchases though, just window shopping. hihi. :D

but last week, i made a purchase from an online make up store. i transacted for it last thursday afternoon and received my package last saturday night. --it felt weird receiving a courier package at 9:30 pm. :))

and good thing it arrived on time, as promised. :)

i purchased a 78 eye combo palette and 2 nyx round lipsticks.

and i'm loving them! :D

--i have yet to try my eye palette once i know how to use it, hihi.

but so far, i'm loving my nyx lipsticks! :)

it takes a lot of getting used to since i'm really new with everything about make up. but so far, i love how it looks on me. :D

for review, i'll really post a blog for it. maybe this evening at work or tomorrow afternoon.

they deserve a review, hehe.

posted below are my purchases from Le Faerie Cosmetics. :)

i really have a thing with not removing plastic packaging XD

you can visit them here: https://www.facebook.com/#!/lefaerie?sk=info

---

story 1:

my oso and i are walking home from dinner at old manda last saturday at around 7pm...

me: bebe, i still haven't received my package, sabi nila isang araw lang ang delivery. saturday na. :((

oso: [binatukan ako] bakit ba hindi ka nadadala? magkano na naman 'yang sinayang mo..

story 2:

i was opening my newly arrived package last saturday night around 10 pm...

kaye: ate, hindi ka ba natatakot bumili online?

me: natatakot. pero i need to try, right?

out of 4 purchases online, 3 were successful. i got scammed the first time. :))

i don't want to say that i'm really hard headed and i never learn that's why i did it again. but, i know i did. learn. and i need to try again, don't i? when i first experienced being scammed, it made me more careful and aware when i want to buy online. and so far, after that day, my purchasings were great. :)

since 1947

this blog is dedicated to the ham and chese bread i just consumed. :]

whenever i think about binondo or manila, one of the things that pops into my mind is ongpin st. if you're familiar with the streets of manila, ongpin is at the heart of manila's chinatown where delicious dimsums, chinese medicines, and other chinese delicacies are found.

my mom and my tito always takes us there whenever we are in that part of the city. whatever we have done in the day, wherever we have been around manila, at the end of it, we always have our dinner at this chinese restaurant at ongpin.

the chinese restaurant we go to is famous for its dimsums. and boy, it is soooopperrr good. --thinking about it now make my mouth water. and to think it's almost dinner time. ---never thought i'm torturing myself by doing this post. :))

but i'm not to talk about that restaurant. --since the name is in chinese and it's always too long to remember. but you can't miss it. it's in ongpin, near mang inasal's. hehe. XD

the reason for this blog lies on the ham and cheese bread i ate for merienda a few hours back. :)

after each dinner on the chinese restaurant we go to, we never ever fail to stop by salazar bakery. :D

yup. this is dedicated to the bread shop who made me love hopias, moon cakes, tikoys and sunflower seeds. hihi. :]

i'm not really a fan of bread. i seldom eat bread. but salazar made me love bread.

their breads are really different, i might say. just opening their store doors will make you say that you're into an awesome bread shopping. their breads smell sweet and its heavy. that ham and cheese bread alone i ate still made me full up to this time of writing.

so why am i sharing this? well, it's to let you know that their ham and cheese bread is the most awesome ham and cheese bread i have eaten so far. it's my first time trying it. and yes! the ham inside is thick and it's whole. it's not like the others that has minced or stripped ham inside. it really has a whole thick square ham! awesome! the cheese? it's overstuffed with it. cheese lovers would love it! :P~ and it's really facinating how the ham and cheese never overpowered each other. it complimented the bread! it's awesome. :DD if you'll ask me about the bread. well, it's typical salazar bread. heavy, tough, and sweet. :DD it's not fluffy nor soft. and i like my bread that way. :DD and definitely, i'll buy it next time! :D

will post it's picture once i have my phone cable with me. left it at home, hihi. :]

update [11/14/2011]

it can stand alone :))

look at the ham and cheese :P~

meanwhile, here's their link: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Salazar-Bakery-Since-1947/195125480509500?sk=info

the bath mat chronicle

ok, this is a first time for me..

i'll be blogging something that just happened yesterday. :))

before i get lazy, i'll do this na.. XD

i belong to a group way back in HS that is called LPG. we were a 10 girl group established when we were in 3rd year HS, around 2002. what does LPG stands for? well, that's all in the past. let's drop it at that. XD

from time to time we see each other. and from time to time meant that we only see each other atleast once a year after HS graduation. :)) college made us busy. and after college, most of the time, we only see each other when jena comes back from qatar. she works there.

after much talk, txt and dinner, our plan for a get together happened yesterday. ♥

we rented out a nearby hotel suite overnight. we swam, ate, watched tv/movie, gamble and drink our hearts out. hihi. XD we have other friends over too for more fun. :D

i can't say much of how i felt being with my girls. but it is always the same. they never fail to make me happy. :)

pictures from my cam are posted below. i'll update --fingers crossed --when the others have posted their shots.

early birds :)



semi candid photo XD



dinner --after so many suggestions :))

i lost a lot of money due to this :)) a game of "in between"

ish and tony ♥





videoke :P

jena and ish

o, btw. these were taken by my s95 cam. in auto. :)) still haven't had time to study the manual setting, hehe.

update [11/15/2011]

got these from my friends' cams. :)

them in the morning, went to work early :((

videoke madness :D

me and my oso before swimming ♥

sprite, tanduay ice and vodka

random --believe me it is so XP

still remember me? hihi. :">

nothing going on in life that's worth blogging. --how boring can i get? :))

but, i guess boring is not the right word for it but busy. yes, i'm busy. i'm busy thinking and bumming out at work. :))

anything new? let me think of something. there should be, right?

(1) new haircut! yey. just had it this evening. my hair being unruly and all, it needs to be maintained. --though it is not close to looking like it is. XD

no one noticed. all they noticed 'bout my hair is that it's blow dried. =))

(2) had a new ear candy: coldplay. yes, yes! they're an old bad. but hey, there are a lot of bands/singers/groups out there. i can't hear them all, you know. :P

(3) finally bought my polaroid. yey! it cost me a lot, way out of my budget. but having it feels like it's worth it, hehe. one more payslip to go before i complete payment. XD credits to my mom's cc. hooray, standard chartered! X)

(4) what else...

o, this is something i just realized now. october is a celebration of friends. :D woot!

seen a lot of my close friends this month.

saw my hs friends --a happening that is second to the rarety of a blue moon--, saw my college friends --even if it is on random days --and just this afternoon, i visited my college to say hi to the boys and girls from the club. --more about it in paragraphs below.
tomorrow, i'll be sleeping over with my hs girls at some hotel and do videoke, cards and drinking.

o, october is great! :DD

(5) started holiday shopping too. :)

too early? well, this is how i do it. so that i can give to all the people i love and care for, i need to start early for my december salary won't be enough if i'll wait. hihi.

(6) i get to start on thinking about my to do list for 2012.

well, haven't checked all i have for 2011 yet but i like to start thinking about new things i want to start/have in life in case i'll be forgetting them by the time i need to remember them.

so, that's about it for now, i guess.

---

about visiting school this afternoon...

i was a member of a radio club back in college amongst many other things i do back then. our club is an active ham. we enter contests every now and then and try to outwit our scores from the previous year. we compete against all hams all over the world. usually, we land as continental champions if we work really hard. --i'm just bragging a bit there. XD hey, hard work deserves a little bragging. :DD

anyways, i got you over the introduction.

so, i planned to go for the said contest that is happening from yesterday 0800H PST to october 31,0800H PST. i txted my soul sister jeny, one of my batchmate in the club, if we can visit together. she agreed so there we were.

i was happy being in school. a lot of things are changing back there. i was surprised seeing our 4th floor laboratories being renovated and being polished and clean and all. it is weird. i had this nostalgic feeling while passing right by it. i always believed those dirty labs were our department's pride and honor. many battles have lost and won on those labs. and it being dirty reflects how hard working each student who were in there. --ok, i might be dramatic, but that's how i really felt. so seeing it in fresh paint and shiny floors really broke my heart. </3

i get to hang out at our ham shack and talked with some of the members about random things. they asked about work and how life is at the other side of the dream. i answered their questions with enthusiasm and wisdom. hihi. then i lingered at the tower for a bit. just there doing nothing before i went down.

finally met jeny after an hour and a half from our scheduled meeting time. then we were there talking to the boys about random. laughing and catching up. we bought them ice cream and also ate late lunch.

but, i guess i was practically there to spend time with jeny. catching up and talking about how old we feel. :)) ok, old is harsh. let me change that to mature. --yuck. X))

we talk about our relationships, we talked about our eating habits and food preferences. we did a little bit of memory lane and started talking about plans and careers. o boy, we were boring. :)) but those boring conversations is really where we are right now.

making plans to make things happen. to be somebody, to get to somewhere.

then we realized why we keep on coming back to school.

i guess even if we cannot stop life from letting us grow up and get mature, we still want the same things we say we wanted back when we were young and stupid. we are still hanging on to our old foolish but wonderful selves.

we may be attending a lot of baptisms, weddings, baby showers, office parties, reunions and all that. but, our feet is where it should be.

that visit reminded me of who i am. and i'm glad to realize that i'm still my old self despite that i can forget me sometimes. hey, honestly, clinging on to yesterdays are not bad. yesterdays makes us remember. remember what we had and what we wanted to have. sometimes yesterday is all you need to get back on track. and that's what i need for so long. today was a good day. :)

going home, we visited our school's old chapel. the warm feeling inside melted my heart. it just felt like it assured me that whatever is keeping me up most nights, whatever my worries about tomorrow is, whatever i feel like i cannot have, all those things will come my way. in it's time. as long as i will it and remember what is important. the small chapel made me feel that things will be alright. :)

*sigh*

---

this blog is very random isn't it. XD enjoy!

no more yellow nails

hello, october! sorry for welcoming you late. i was busy, hehe.

these past days, i get to understand why i cannot keep a blog. =))

i'm so lazy uploading and updating~

now i appreciate bloggers out there who really take time to take pictures, edit and post on their blogs. it really is a tough work. and very time consuming.

but i hope in the following days, i will have that gusto to blog about my september getaway, hihi. :">

i would really try my best. but if i cannot, well... i'll really try my best. :))

will update you soon. ♥

heo september! :D

hello, september! sorry for welcoming you so late. a lot of things happened that i did not looked forward in you. but hey, my hope's up. a lot of good things will still come my way, right? though plans for this month are a little bit uneasy, i'm still hoping for the best. after all, you mark my birthday. another year passed. aging in years but growing in life. looking forward into turning 24. ♥

birthday wish?

i want to ask for understanding and kindness. :)

though they say that revealing your wish might jinx it, i wanted to blog about it so that maybe, readers if there are any can help me through it, hihi. :D

anyway, i posted so that i can update you with my life.

remember i promised to post pictures for a blog? well, i want it to be today. :DD

last friday, my work team celebrated its first year. so the whole group went for an outing/GTG.

our boss held an appreciation night were everyone was awarded with plaques and certificates, recognizing their work and contribution for the group. it was a happy event. it gave our group the chance to bond and be together to have fun and brush work off our shoulders even for a while. plus considering our group is very much distributed into different sites, it was really a good chance to share laughters and stories with them. :)

though i did not sleep that whole friday and have to leave early for my duty on saturday, it was worth it. --but remind me to not go on duty like that again. i was sick the whole saturday. XD

here are some of the pictures...

some of the heo gma girls

ok, this is only a picture. =)) please don't blame me. this is the only photo that i'm in. XD

but you got know how fun it was from how i described the event, right? :))

[update: 9/18/2011]

found some photos i'm in from other team mates' cam, yey! :D


sir roy my former TL (left) and sir rey, our over-all-impact boss (right)



me and pat. wished ma'am lyn was with us.. :P

i'm really sorry for the messy hair. i did not plan to stay long that night but i did. so i don't have toiletries with me to help me out. :))

health is wealth

i really don't get how "health conscious" people get.

it seems like there's just a thin line between diet and starvation. correct me if these words are really synonymous. but, being healthy is eating right, right?

why do people want to fit in a body shape they are not born in?

denial.. low self esteem..

v8

i feel terrible today.

no sleep and lack of food.

i was on 12-hours duty yesterday. after work, i went out with my friends for UBE at V8 --our official partner for videoke nights. :)) went home past 12mn, slept past 1am. woke up at 4:30am. 6am, i started my 16 hour duty.

i had fun last night. i had heartaches last night too. realizations sank in. and now, i need to be in my better self again. amidst the feeling of a heavy head and an empty stomach and a heartache.

go me!

--i'm so tempted to say that i'll be blogging about my UBE night with friends last night but i always end up making empty promises when it comes to blogging. :)) i'll try to remember to post pictures though. XD

love-hate relationship

i have this love and hate relationship with money.

it's like when i have much, i'm so angry with it that i just want to spend it. when i have little, i love it so much that i cannot take it out of my pocket. :))

there are also incidents where i just feel right about it that i invest it. haha.

it may sound like i deal with money based on my feelings but i just sound like it. i want to believe that i know how to spend it well. --though there are times that i indulge throught it. :))

today, i don't know how i can call my relationship with money. but i threw some on a P&S camera. XD

i'm not techy in a sense that i don't really mind much the trends with gadgets. i buy from time to time. but when i'm comfortable, i don't mind having it for years and years.

i need a camera. considering i have a lot of upcoming out of town trips. the one i used to borrow from my mom is a little old and out of condition. so i decided to buy myself one.

i asked a friend to help me out research a good camera and a good price find. and yesterday, he found me one at an online store with a name i forgot what and we scheduled a meet up today at 4pm. the deal went well. i really hope i put my money where it deserves.

here's what i bought:

--i don't have a picture of it yet since i didn't had a chance to even open it due to work. i'll just be using a picture i found online. :)

canon S95

for reviews, you can check google for it.

i'll post updates and feelings regarding this camera sometime soon i hope. :)

hands all over

before i forget about this, i wanted to blog it.

i'm loving maroon 5's latest album. i love their beat on it.

i love them again! ♥

i'll be having them in my playlist. :)

on the works

guess who have a new blog template today? XP

i kinda messed with CSS codes today since i'm bored. so what you see as my blog template made it all happen. :)) don't get me wrong, i did not made this template. i just copied it from a website. i'm just tweeking it a little bit to suit my taste. --i'll kinda practice with it based on what i've read today. :)) i hope this may go successfully. :))

current site status: on the works. XD

giddy much? :))

i hope blogging about how wonderful my days were for the past few weeks won't jinx it. :))

but i can't help but share how wonderful i feel. *giddy*

(1) to start of, all my dramas from the previous blogs are now gone. it had been a struggle. but i passed them all now. i learned that the key for being ok and moving on is letting go. have i forgiven? well... if your definition is based on oprah wherein she says that, "forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed", i guess i've forgiven. but i'm still in the process of getting back to my old self. ...i'll get there soon enough. i'm doing my best. :)

(2) work had been nice to me lately too. my work felt easier --i like to think that it is easy because i've already learned a lot--, my workmates seems happier and my shifts are not that heavy any more. :)  though there are still things i can't be happy about, i'm civil with those circumstances. i know i can't be that lucky. :))

(3) i started working on my 2011 to-do list again. i've been slacking of in achieving it due to my melodramas. but i'm back on my feet. i really feel accomplished with it. a few more months are left for 2011. but i'm positive in checking a lot of it.

and true, some plans can change due to circumstances. some things in my list are not to be considered this year. it is sad... but, i want to take it as an inspiration to make it happen in its right time. :)

(4) and since i've been into my to-do list again, i'm beginning to be creative. :)) it is fun though it burns my pocket at times. but hey, i got to do what i got to do, right? i hope i'm creative enough to execute it as i envisioned it. =))

(5) i'm into loving being in love again. yes, corny much. but who cares? love is really corny at its finest. :)) i guess this reason made my life a whole lot better. :D and i'm happy to think that it will always be with the same man. :X

thank you, Lord! :DD

enough for today. haha. end. :D

august

hello, august! :)

--it seems strange that i only get to blog at the start of every month. haha. XD

nothing new in my life lately. same old things. it had been raining for the past weeks so no activity going on for me. except my continuous eating, my oversleeping habits, my usual procastinations, my from time to time grumpiness and my other status in between.

seems strange... i feel like old things are coming back to me now. i can say it's a happy strangeness. :) ♥

from between my last blog and this, a lot of realizations have strucked me about my life. i've been doing a lot of drama and i have a lot of reasons to blame my drama in. but when i got tired and stopped all of it, my life had been more manageable. :)) i know. pains are sometimes self inflicted and that you cannot gain your self worth from someone but yourself. and yes, i've learned that in a hard way. and yes, i'm still learning it today. :)

--for some reason, my blog is not suppose to be about this. i was suppose to blog last week about something but i only had the time today and i have forgotten all about it. too bad for i feel like it is important. :))

i look forward to more life learnings on the following days. go august! :)

sighing day

i'm using itouch for this blog so pardon me for any typos along the way. i just felt i needed to take away my depression somehow. one way or another...

i'm sad. for the longest time this week i was not able to do things i need to be doing. it's piling up but there is this feeling that it doesn't matter even if a lot of people needed it right now. yes, that's how miserable i'm feeling.

i feel i can handle the misery. but i also have this feeling of loneliness. let me correct that. i feel alone. at times when you depend on your strength and its not there. your reason to feel better can't be with you. when you realize that you are on your own. it's tough. but what choice do i have?

all i can do now is pray that my heart won't fail on me in trying its best. the only strength i have left for now is knowing God never fails on me.

truly, there are sighing days...

praises

hello, july!

been busy. i haven't blogged for the past few weeks. sorry. XD

in all the events that happened to me since i was last here, all i can say is that i can't blog about it anymore. --i guess. :))

but surely, i'll blog about yesterday.

i was happy yesterday. :) why?

for i was with friends. it had been a while since i last saw them. remember i blogged about the videoke session we had last april? --if im not mistaken. that was the last time i saw them. so after a few months, seeing them and being with them is joy. :D

plus, i get to stuff myself with food yesterday. i haven't done that on a regular basis. so it was very pleasant for me. i'm still full up until today because of all the calories i had. =))

i surely hope times like yesterday will remain between us friends. though it had been a long time since we talked. it just felt like yesterday. our stories were endless. many things had happened to us but it felt like we never really lost touch. kewl. :)

i'm happy, glad and i feel blessed having good friends. thank you, Papa God! :D

o btw, i was out of town last weekend. i was in isabela province.

technically it was isabela, but we landed in tuguegarao by plane and it was just a 30 mins ride from there. since tuguegarao is part of cagayan valley --the hottest place here in the philippines --i cannot blame cabagan, isabela for being very hot. perspiring all over! grabe!! :))

why i was there? i attended the wedding of my friends from LOM. i was really happy being part of it. so the heat did not mess up my mood. things you do for friends nga naman.. :)

 

LOM friends :)

i feel blessed, july!

please let it continue to flow. :D

all praise and all thanks giving to the One who made it all possible. :)



regrets are few

i'm a person that do not really rely on regrets. i had a few in my life. but time healed my pains and i have moved on with them.

but have you ever had that feeling? ..wishing that things were back to what they were?

it is a weird feeling for me. especially that i know i did my best and that i did not regret anything i have done regarding it. i was happy. i was always looking forward to it everyday.

but this feeling i started feeling a few weeks ago made me think about myself. ...had i really done my best? ...have i done right?

i have this feeling of self blame.

i kept praying these past days for myself which i rarely do. --i usually pray for people in my life than for myself. wishing myself the best... *sigh*

papa day today

i didn't attend the LOM meeting today. personal choice. i planned to spend my day with my family since today is father's day.
i get to hear mass with them and had dinner at max's. the resto is in chicken all you can promo. taob! :))


dad and mom with the tropas :)

happy father's to my one and only dad! :)
my teacher, my house daddy, my driver, my cook and my friend. ♥
you are a man of many words but you are poor in the emotional side of it. but through your actions and through the things you do for us since we were small, you make us feel how much we are loved.
thank you, dad! ♥

and happy father's day to the one who deserves the greeting most. to the Most High who never fails to be the best dad ever! :D

--oOo--

also, today is rizal's day. tomorrow is declared a holiday since rizal turned 150.
i had a debate with my thesis mate about this. he says declaring today as a holiday is just a waste of time. an excuse to be lazy.
i came to realize that a lot of people think of holidays as a time to relax or a chance for double pay at work (for those like me who can never taste holidays like normal workers do). forgetting the true meaning of it.

though we may not show it in a grander way, may we take this opportunity to appreciate the celebration and its reason.

i salute rizal! :D

i'm sorry, oprah...

i'm definitely afraid of dogs. yes, it is due to a traumatic experience when i was small. so owning a dog is not part of my life's wish list.

but then our family received a gift from my aunt and we named her oprah.

she is a mixed breed of a chihuahua and a poodle. very small. at first shy but after a month, she was very playful and very energetic.

but she is gone now. she passed away this morning. heartbreak.

she got sick last friday. we noticed her throwing up her food a lot of times that night. we suspected that she might be suffering from tummy ache since she has a habit of eating not only food but also paper, leaves, wood, etc. plus, she might have been over played by my nieces and nephew that afternoon. so we did not find it strange. at saturday, we cannot see her joyful energy and she started eating less. that continued up to sunday and began not eating at all. she just drinks water and that's it. so worried as i am, dad and i took her to the vet the following monday. i was not ready money wise when we went. i was just hoping for a check up and paying for a few medicines. but my pocket was surprised to the amount a had paid for that visit. the doctor said she must be suffering from a viral disease that is common to dogs her age (forgive me but i cannot remember what it is specifically called). the vet advised for her to be confined. but as i said, my pocket is not ready for it that day. so we went for a temporary first aid and decided to observe her condition for a day more. the vet advised to bring her again a day after if her condition did not improved. but i ended up delaying it for another day since my sister and i needed to discuss the expenses. but it was too late..

i went home decided to take her to the vet again as i had already computed my savings if it would be enough for her medication. but when i went home from graveyard duty this morning, my dad told me the news that she is gone.

my heart broke. i began to cry.

i can say that i felt really bad for not taking her soonest to the vet. i felt bad that i was too selfish thinking about my savings draining if i take her for confinement. i felt bad seeing her in my mind looking at me. i kept talking to her yesterday to hang on a little bit and to try to be well. but she just stared at me with eyes saying help. now it is too late. i cannot help her anymore. i cannot do anything for her anymore.

i feel really sad of her passing. yes, she only stayed with us for 2 months. yes, my family is not into dogs so having her is an adjustment. yes, i never had played with her for i'm freaking scared whenever she approaches me. but i say yes too, that i genuinely care for her. she knows how i spoil her. but i guess i didin't care that much nor spoiled her enough for me to help her in the best way.

my heart is still breaking.

truly, i've realized a lot of things with her passing. i don't know how long i would grieve for oprah. my family can call me OA (over reacting) but i'm not yet done crying.

oprah,

i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i did not do my best. i'm sorry for not caring enough. i'm sorry for letting you pass away. i cannot make up to you anymore. but swearing to your grave this will not happen to any pets i will have in the future (but i guess this is also a trauma to me that i cannot really see myself being an owner anymore.) i cannot go back. i'm sorry...

i'll remember oprah everyday whenever i will i see dogs. and i guess for now, i will look at them with regret...

my heart is still breaking...

DISCALIMER: no edits made. too sad to do it.

geez

alam nyo 'yung feeling na pwede pero hindi pwede?

uso na 'yun lately. :))

glass half empty

i never thought it is possible to be sad and feel nothing at all about it.

it seems your mind wants to grieve and be angry all at the same time that you can no longer do both.

it feels empty...

i don't want this feeling. i want to cry at my heart's content but i've been trying the whole day yesterday but to no avail.

hoping this will pass. i pray for my heart..

yeyey :)

yes, i promise to blog about my summer for my next post. but i'm still too lazy. XD

i can't wait for my restday tomorrow. i'll be seeing old people in my life.

i also love my shift today. time passed without me realizing it. it really is great working with someone than just sharing a shift with yourself. i can't wait to go home though. hihi :">

flu vaccine

true, time flies when you're having fun. but it is also true that time flies when you're busy. :))

one more day to go and may is about to end. hello, june! the rain is starting, good bye, summer!

may had been fun-filled and energy-emptying month for me in ways. but i can say that it did not became cruel.

i remember promising to blog about my summer. but i'm too lazy to do it today. i need to gather up pictures for extra impact. i have to collect them from my sources first. for as my friends know, i'm lazy on the picture taking part. haha. :D

btw, i had my flu vaccine today. i'm so happy getting it. i'm not blessed with a strong immune system since i was small. and since i'm working hard *ehem*, it's weaker these days that i get sick easier. i feel i have extra protection now. yey! --though that doesn't mean i can slack off with my health.

i'll blog again soon. :)

rain rain go away...

i sure wish that the typhoon will be out of the philippine's area of responsibility soon. else, my late summer getaway with the family will be doomed. that will be a major heartbreak.

rain, rain, go away...

work seems hectic but my energy is up. i just hope things will work out fine for our group. we're tired of the same things that's why we just face each day prepared. come what may. we did our best. the ball is not in our hands --it never was. may the heavens know give us what is best for us. aja!

banal

i'm currently watching banal. an abscbn special last sunday that i was not able to watch since i was so sleepy from loisa's recital.

i can't help but shed tears. John Paul II will always be my favorite person. i've been watching him and adoring him since i was seven. known him almost all my life. i can't help but feel privilege to be in the same time as he was. truly, he is a blessing from God.

i pray that more people will be like him. :)

pity me

why do i feel like i don't have a life? i'm starting to take pity on myself.

this is bad. :))

must find new hobby!

you're my wonderwall

i want to post this song for that one person who always got my back. thank you. :')

a mesh of things

[1] you can't expect people to be like you. to think the same on things, to understand at the same rate, to have lived with the same values.

even though i have kept this in my mind from years and years of experience, i can't help feeling mad when it happens. i guess, i will never get used to the feeling of disappointment. heartbreak. </3


[2] just today, i realized how much my social network decreased after i started working. i was so looking forward in meeting new people --which i did. but i still do not have friends. i have co-workers, i belong to a team. but it still doesn't feel like home.

when i started with my shifting duty, i gave up a big part of my church activities. i left the curia which i really love, i cannot regularly come on our sunday meetings since a lot of times i'm at work, i cannot attend our regular apostolate due to the later reason too. it sucks. </3
LOM is home to me. the people in it are my family. it's sad to make them feel neglected at times.


[3] i really feel like a grown up lately. i can feel the burden of making decisions and doing sacrifices just so my future will be a whole lot better. i sometimes envy people who can go places, who can buy nice things, who is having new experiences day by day. but i need to tell myself to be grounded on my goals and keep looking at it straight. i feel stuck but i know in time, i'll go somewhere.


[4] despite all the mesh of things on my mind, i realize more and more how much i need Him in my life. how i need to trust Him more and to spend time talking to Him more. in God i have refuge. in Him i trust.

may

i've been busy lately that i did not have time to posts things here. even so, those days when i was not posting, a lot of events are post worthy. but i guess i'll skip those days and events. it's time to move on. but i plan to do a summer summary by the end of may --will posts some pictures too. :)

for now, i have to say, a lot of things are doing well.
even if a lot of plans got postponed and cancelled, even if a lot of plans are cannot be attended and even if a lot of plans are in limbo. things will happen if it will happen.

i always look forward to everyday even if times are tough. i learned that positivity is the key. :)

hello, may! so far, yo've been good to me. :D

waiting

there are days like this when all are not right. i'm glad my day will be over soon. i'm glad i'll see my oso in a bit. one warm hug will make me feel better. 6am, please come soon...

unblogging

i feel like there are lots of things for me to blog about. but i guess, i don't have the energy and the feeling to go for it lately. been unblogging (if there is such a word) for a few days now.

i'll get back when i feel like doing it again. next week maybe? XD

lazy

i'm getting lazy with work again...

i feel bad because most of us feels the same way. BV, BV, please go away..

day of valour

today is araw ng kagitingan (day of valour) here in the pearl of the orient sea.
but it is a shame that most of us just see it just as a holiday and do not consider what it stands for. *sigh*


here is a link from manila bulletin in case you want to remember:
http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/313379/araw-ng-kagitingan-2011

i admire and respect the brave men --and women --who stood up and loved their mother land.
their courage and bravery is an inspiration.
i love our country. i don't know if i will be given a chance to do what they have done for mama land but i hope i'll have what it takes to do the same if needed to. i can't show it in a grander form but in a lot of small ways, i want to believe that i'm doing my best.


i salute ...the three stars and a sun!♥

testing virtues

just a thought...

"if you focus on what you know, what more can you gain?"


to someone,
i don't know when will be the time for you to realize this. but please, please... do it soon. i don't want to hate. the truth is, i don't hate you nor like you. but it's not good for me if you'll continue to be part of my daily life. what adjustments do i need to make?

i'm eating too much out of the stress i'm feeling. i really really do not like this.

God, let me be more understanding and patient each day. i trust that what i'm feeling is something i need to throw out of my heart. please help me do just that. to forgive and not feel offended. i pray, from the bottom of my heart that this may pass soon. in you i trust..

len got talent

a short post...

i just want to share that i have this wonderful, uninteresting talent. :))

what's this you say? it's the stem of a cherry, the ones usually on top of an ice cream sundae. knotted this using my mouth. :)) i told you it was very uninteresting. X))


stopped by my favorite ice cream store sa boni to eat their black forest chill yesterday after work. i returned a movie cd for my oso and decided to stop by since it was near and the afternoon was extremely sweaty.

i just came to share this as a sign that summer is hear. hooray! :D

weekend well spent

i'll blog about my weekend now. yey! :)

SATURDAY
prologue: my sooper friends and i were long been planning for an out-of-town UBE (ultimate bonding experience). due to factors like time, place and money, the idea is still not pursued. but as Filipinos always say about trips: "buti pa ang biglaan, natutuloy. ang planado, hindi.", that's what exactly happened when a few days noticed UBE was asked by james, aka rockstar.

i guess videoke is really more realistic than the beach --time, place and money wise. XD

we planned the day. but i guess plans are supposed to be set aside when we sooper friends go for UBE. we never ever had one that was thought of days ahead. so planning this one looked silly that's why chances did not let us go as how we wanted it.

how?

time: it was set for 6pm so that jan, aka team, can leave early for his run the next day. but friends were late due to earlier plans and appointments. we were completed at around 7:30pm. we arrived at V8 by 10pm due to traffic at greenhills car parking. :))
place: we planned to do videoke at redbox. so we went to greenhills as team suggested. but apparently, there is no redbox branch there. it's supposed to be greenBELT not greenHILLS. epic fail. X)) we ended up going to V8, our official videoke place since two years ago. so much for change in scenery.
budget: i don't want to talk about it. but V8 is V8. we love the place. :)

somehow, even if a lot of things did not go well and we were already tired before we have started what we came to do, IT WAS MARVELOUS!
hours of talking, laughing, slamman, eating, goofing around, singing and tummy aches due to excessiveness of everything enumerated were made.
i love the people i was with. they are my family. and seeing them and being with them is something i miss. i spent my college with them and those times spent were best times. but come to think of it, they are always on my best times not just on college related events. blessed to have them. :)

added bonus: mae and patchya came with us. the more the many-er. :D

i'll post a picture and introduce my friends as how i call them...

a pause from all the fun for a photo op :)

and btw, team's run record was around 1:06:00. we went home at past 2am, go figure. :))

SUNDAY
my sunday was spent with family. at home in the morning with everyone, at divi and binondo with mom and loisa in the afternoon, mass with my oso in the evening.

a simple day but is very meaningful for me. i missed times like this that it made me cry. no kidding.

my morning was spent eating and goofing around with my lovely nieces. i was able to eat our always yummy sunday lunch and was talking with everyone while eating.

by afternoon, mom, loisa and me went to divisoria to buy dhannia's bday souvenirs. mom and i will be out of town the week before dhannia's first bday so we should finish all the prep beforehand.
and since we were already at divisoria, we went shopping after we bought the souvenirs. i was not able to shop plenty since i was very guilty from buying a lot of clothes lately. i need to control. XD
after divisoria, we stopped by ongpin at binondo to eat dimsum. best place to eat it here in manila! yum yum! was able to buy take home bread from salazar's. i love their hopia'ng monggo. :P~
special thanks to tito rene for coming with us and for driving. he knows the streets of manila well. when he is with us, we can really go to places we want conveniently. :)

in the evening, i was able to see my oso. spent hearing mass with him and ate dinner at their place. best way how to end my sunday!
though LOM meeting is canceled, the evening is still fulfilling since i was able to pray and give thanks to our sooper and undisputed Lord Almighty.


God is always good to me. He never fails. all these things i get to have this weekend was all thanks to Him. letting me appreciate the people close to my heart makes me realize and appreciate His love and kindness more and more. truly, when tough times come, He considers and gives you a break. thank you, Lord! :)

mind over matter

since i was dead tired from my morning shift yesterday i was not able to blog about my weekend.

i love how i spent my weekend day off. maybe i missed how it feels to be in sync with friends' and family's free time.
o well, will blog more about the details later after work. :)

on another topic...

i'm beginning to get used to work again. i hope this continues. i was messed up for a couple of weeks due to "minor" problems that i forgot how i should be handling these kind of things. as the wisdom of the old always say: "mind over matter" ...if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. =))
we cannot dwell on unimportant things all the time and we cannot be affected by people.

the problem i'm facing should be handled with patience and understanding.
wait... i don't want to call it a problem either. can someone help me out? what is a smaller word for problem? :)

i need to pray on this more until i get better. go me! :)

a dose of my own medicine

for the sake of april fool's day, i pranked my oso this morning. i was really thinking that he would get the joke. but as the famous filipino phrase goes: "biruin mo na ang lasing, 'wag lang ang bagong gising".

surely, fooling people is not a good thing to do. after i did it, i felt really bad. though i have no bad intentions, what i did was wrong. especially who the person i did it to. </3

i appreciate how my oso let the incident pass. and surely, i will never ever do such thing again. my heart broke when he was not talking over the phone after what i did.

i want to publicly apologize for my mistake. oso, i'm sorry... :(

i also want to publicly thank you for understanding. though it was ok as you said, what i did still  felt bad and wrong. it will not happen again, i assure you.

and for the record, i will not participate in any april fool's madness anymore. ever ever!

dreaming

before i forget the thought...

i think i know what i want to do when i have time in my hands and lots of money in my bank account.

will post more for details on my day off. :)

backstabber

i was told that it is bad to talk at some one else's back.



forgive me, i'm being bad for the past two weeks. XD

will do my best not to. even if it is tempting.

challenge

changes comes challenges.
go me! :D

before i forget the thought...
i've been hearing successes and failures from people i know lately. good news or sad news, i feel inspired to do best for myself. though i know i need to take a few chances on my own this year. i'm taking my time to do what i have to do now. priorities. i can say my focus for this year is my work competency and my family. all things in between today and my future has to go when it needs to. i'm in no hurry. i might lose focus that way. again, go me!

truly, life is a circle. noone stays in the same place forever. it rolls. you have to rock it! \m/

on a sad note... i feel lazy today.. =))

on another note

before i forget.. i want to say that i have something to be happy about today. :)

today is my rest day. and since i feel like today would be dull since there are no plans made, i stuck into that thought.

but i want to take this chance to publicly take it all back, hihi. XD

from almost forever, i finally attended our hospital apostolate. yey! :) since i was diagnosed for ptb3 early june 2010, i cannot go to the hospital anymore for health reasons. but i was cleared, ptb4, last january --God is good! :) but since then, i kept cancelling or am stuck at work or on another schedule. but today, i feel happy i finally had a chance. :) i feel a little rusty. forgive me, the last time i was into the work was about half a year ago. but the feeling is still the same. it always feels good after every work. not all people can have a chance to do this. this is a blessing, i must say. :)

note from the previous post that i was really sad today. but i was reminded that there are always blessings each day. to God i lift my spirit. :)

:-/

i feel stuck.

i've been saying a lot of ideas but i'm going nowhere. my life is just as dull as the pencils in my holder.

dependency...

i'm pretty much depending my plans onto someone. is that good? some might say no. and yes, i feel that way too sometimes. but where is the fun in traveling and having a good time when you do it by yourself? or do sports cheered by no one? or pig-out and there is no one to share it to?

can i do a reset on the plans i have this year on a self-based experience? i'm looking at my 2011 to-do list and all the things i can accomplish by myself is soon to be all checked.

and here i am, doing this blog when what i'm suppose to do is share it to the person/s concerned. but no one is there to listen.

re-sched and off topics

yes, i know.. it had been a while since the last post. i get to write whenever i'm at shift but it seems my shifts are hectic the past weeks. forgive me. :D anyway, why would i explain? no one really reads this. =))

yesterday was the last day for pyromusical. and yes, ...i did not have the chance to watch. boo. or rather, i chose not to watch it even if i can. schedule for me and my oso is good but the money is tight. though money is not a big issue since i bought myself a new pair of shoes yesterday, i guess i did not have the same interest i had with watching pyromusical as i had weeks ago. beats me, i do not know why. and do not blame it to hormones. men always consider that option whenever they cannot understand a woman. geez.

but it goes to show that things planned, things expected, things wanted can change. even if the cards would fall into places, we are still to chose our take.

no regrets though. there is always another chance for a good fireworks display. anyway, thinking how difficult for us to go home last year made me say it's ok. :)


on another note, heard the tragedy that happened to japan a few days back? it is really sad... properties and lives were lost. families were taken, dreams ended for many. i cannot help but feel affected. but all we can do now is hope for the best, pray much more for them and for each other and be optimistic.

optimism can go places. so boo to those people who associate it with 2012. with due respect, i do not have a say with the 2012 prediction. it is a mixed emotion for me to think and discuss so i rather not think about it. i just let it be a reminder for me to seize each mornings and chances. and who can really stop earthquakes and all the natural phenomena? we learned from school that things like that is really a part of the earth's ever changing life and evolution. though the lost is really terrible, we cannot fix our thought in making happenings like this a sign of the end.
forgive me for those opinions i contradict. it is just reallydifficult for me to hear people talk about endigs when chances like this happen. i always believe that tomorrow is a new day. that although chances like this pass, it is not a reason to end. as long as there is life and chances to those who got lucky from the tragedy, today is a beginning.

i still continue to pray for those people who have lost terribly from the japan earthquake. no one deserves it, we know. but who are we to judge Him? He has reasons. we need to take note of that. in His grace, things will be better. optimism. faith.♥